162 Days. That is how long sweet Quinton Mickel has been a part of our life. As I begin to process all that has happened during this short time, I can't even imagine my life without him in it. When I used to think back about adoption at the beginning of our journey, I mostly thought about how we could provide a loving, safe home for a child in need. I didn't realize how much "I" needed this child. I could have never imagined how much this child would change me. So without further adieu, here is the story of our journey to Quinton. As I tell this story, there will be certain things purposely left out because it's not mine to tell. Through out all the research we have done about adoption, one thing we have found is how important it is that adoptee's have the freedom to share parts of their story when/if they feel like it. So because of this, today I am sharing our perspective as adoptive parents, our journey to bringing Quinton to our family.
Photo by Jessi Nichols Photography
Our story begins about 4 years ago on no particular day. I had recently given birth to our second child, Colton, and life was starting to feel busy. We knew that we weren't done having kids but didn't have a specific plan of when to have more because we quickly learned that 2 kids under the age of two was no walk in the park! Fast forward another year and Colton was diagnosed with Autism. Our life was suddenly filled with 40 hours a week of intensive ABA therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy. While this often felt like a lot to handle, Aaron and I also really grew as a couple and as parents. It was during this time that I started to have a very random, reoccurring thought; we need to adopt. *insert jaw-dropping face* After dealing with this internal battle for a few weeks I gently informed Aaron of what was weighing on my heart. He was surprised, but took it very well and we agreed to continue to think about it. For the next few years we kept adoption in the back of our minds but honestly didn't talk about it very often. It was just something that we hoped to be able to do someday. Then one night before climbing into bed for the night, Aaron randomly told me that he thought it was time for us to adopt. Now this time I was the one who was surprised! We were again ready to grow our family and had recently started trying to become pregnant. I was completely shocked! However, after thinking about it more, I quickly came to the same realization as Aaron that adoption felt right for our family at this time.
If you have ever started down the road towards adoption, then you will know how overwhelming all the different options can be! There's international adoption, which I was personally first drawn to. Then there is domestic infant adoption, which usually entails matching with an expectant mother who is looking to place her child somewhere within the United States. Even within domestic adoption there are many options such as working through an agency or self-matching. Then there is also the Foster-To-Adopt program, which I have such deep respect towards. Aaron and I carefully and thoughtfully looked into all of these options and ultimately felt that domestic infant adoption was the right path for our family. We looked into different agencies in our area and decided to move forward with an agency that several of our friends and co-workers have worked with. After paying our deposit to the agency, then began the mountain of paperwork. Seriously, so much paperwork! With that also comes completing our Home Study. To be completely honest, the Home Study was much harder for me than I had anticipated. It's meant to take a very in depth look at your past and current life, and I am very thankful for that. It requires you to ask and answer tough questions and I just wasn't expecting it to have such an emotional toll on me. During this time we also go through a required amount of education. I absolutely loved this and I am so grateful that it was a priority of the agency. After several months we completed the paper work, Home Study, and education and we were finally able to make our profile and become officially waiting to be matched with an expectant mother! In our profile, we talk about the things we are or are not open to. Because of the research we had done as well as our personal experience with having a child with special needs, we were open to pretty much anything. We knew we preferred an open adoption and were open to any race or gender. However after making our profile and doing more research, we felt very drawn to a trans-racial adoption, particularly with African American. In our research we had seen how vital it was for trans-racial adoptee's to have a connection to their race and how important it is for adoptive parents to make sacrifices for their identity and to honor their culture. We knew that we were capable and willing to make whatever sacrifices necessary. We then changed our profile to say that we were hopeful for an open, African American trans-racial adoption.
Two weeks later we got a call.....
It was the night of the Super Bowl. February 3, 2019 to be exact. We were watching at a friend's house and decided to leave during halftime because one of our kids was struggling. During our 5 minute drive home, I got a call from our agency telling us that a baby had just been born in Atlanta (where the Super Bowl was taking place) and we had been matched!! *cue panic and excitement* We didn't have much information about the baby other than his race, gender, weight, and that he was in the NICU and they asked if we would be able to come to Atlanta that night! We rushed home to put our kids to bed so we could actually think and then after talking with Quinton's mother briefly and finding child care for our kids, we decided to move forward and we were on the road to Atlanta the next morning. So much of those 24 hours was such a whirlwind!
When we arrived at the hospital in downtown Atlanta, we were able to go meet the baby in the NICU. Due to privacy, we were not able to get any information as to why he was in the NICU or any other details besides what our agency already knew. Seeing any little baby with all the cords and monitors is scary so I do remember feeling nervous, but then quickly rushed with peace that it would be alright. We then went to another floor to meet and visit with Quinton's birth mother. I don't think I have ever been so nervous! She quickly eased my nerves with her friendly demeanor and personality. We were able to spend a few days talking with her and bonding while she was still recovering in the hospital. I am forever grateful for that time because all we wanted her to see from us was love, support, and acceptance in whatever decision she made. Adoption was not about us getting a baby, for us it was being there for her in this time of need. Since our matching was so quick, we brought the book we had made about our family for expectant mom's to look at and we had a great time reading that together. On February 5th, the papers were signed and Quinton was placed in our care. That day was so bitter sweet. It truly broke my heart seeing his beautiful mother make the most difficult decision. Even though I had only known her for a few days at this point, my heart felt nothing but love and admiration for her. After the papers were signed, we went to the NICU and held Quinton for the first time. Up until this moment, I had always wondered if I would instantly bond with him like I had with my biological kids. I can say for certain that once I held him and looked at this new baby who would be joining our family, there was no difference at all. We instantly fell in love with him and knew we would do anything for him!
Quinton spent 10 days in the NICU and during that time Aaron and I traded off every few days being in Atlanta so we could relieve our babysitters. Quinton made so much progress and we were so grateful that we were able to bring him home on February 14th, Valentine's Day! Normally when adopting from another state, after the baby is discharged from the hospital you have a waiting period of another 2-10 days while you get clearance to leave the state. After being in the hospital for 10 days already, the thought of needing to stay in Georgia for possibly another 10 days was so discouraging! I had been set up in our hotel for less than 24 hours, preparing to stay there for awhile, when our agency called and told us that we miraculously had been cleared to leave Georgia! Sing praises! It was so good to finally come home and the kids wrapped Quinton in with loving, excited arms! We have had a lot of questions about how Raylee and Colton have handled the adoption, especially since it was so quick, and they have done absolutely AMAZING! There has been no issues at all and they have always seen Quinton as their baby brother. They are so proud!
Quinton's adoption was officially finalized in court on June 3, 2019. It was also on this day that we publicly shared our huge news that we had been hiding for the past 4 months! It truly was a beautiful day and we feel so honored to have Quinton in our family. On the day of finalization we also officially named him, Quinton Mickel. Quinton is the name that we chose for him, and Mickel is the name his beautiful birth mother chose for him. Our communication with her is open and we regularly send pictures and updates. We hope that she stays a big part of Quinton's life and he can see how loved he is by so many people! Our time with Quinton the past 5 months has taught us so much. I have gained an enormous amount of empathy for others, especially for those who may live a different lifestyle than mine. I have realized the privilege I have had throughout my life because of the circumstances that I was born into. I have been so humbled in this experience and know I will continue to learn and educate myself on how to play my role as an adoptive mother in the best way I know how.
